monologues

Read and download by clicking on the documents below.

Glory Hole

"That was the actual headline. But my brain mixed up the words, so instead I read—"

Introverts Unite

"How many times has someone tried to high five me and I’ve missed? I’d say a solid 7 out of 10."

Bedazzled

"Is it technically theft if I’m just going through the Goodwill drop-off bin looking for something that was mine to begin with?!  It is?  Well.  I’m sorry to hear that."

You Knew

"I actually remember thinking—the sun never finds it’s way here—that’s why the dirt is so soft and so cool. And that’s when I saw you. Saw your shoes. You were standing right there, not more than two feet away. You knew.

My Brother David

I was mad at him. Why do you have to have this, this mark? They cannot know that I’m a Jew but with the boys they could always tell. It was because of this, I cursed him. I called him stupid. They took us away. He was put in the back of a truck. I was taken in a car. I never saw him again.

Christopher

I couldn't have been more than 45, 50 weeks—staring at the cigarettes in my Dad's shirt pocket. They were Camels. Filterless (gives a low, sexy whistle) I thought—that's what I want do when I grow up. I wanna be a smoker.

Original Sin

"Anyway, so when Didi was born she had, um, Down syndrome. She was the only kid in the neighborhood who—you know—wasn’t right. Everyone took care of her, protected her. No one let her get past our four square blocks. She was sweet. Really sweet."

Quench

"It wasn’t the cheating. That was a given. And he was a cold bastard. But I dealt with it. I adopted a Bernese Mountain Dog. All the love with none of the worry about pesky vaginal dryness. It was a win-win.

Things Have A Place

"I’m a turnip. Where are my roots? They’re down there (pointing down), where are my leaves, they’re up there (pointing up). Where is my dirt? It’s all around me. I’m surrounded by dirt, dirt dirt-ity dirt and that’s how I feel when I’m in this house. Like I’m surrounded by dirt, dirt, dirt-ity, dirt. And I can’t find my frickin’ roots!"

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photo by lisa konoplisky